I thought I would lose a piece of myself as a watched a little girl dying in front of me. As a result of typhoid, her stomach was an open pool of rotting insides. Everything that could be done, had been. We were asked to clean the wound, in order to provide her a little time of relief . . . which was ironic, because she was too weak to receive medication, and so this was about to be a painfully excruciating process.
I thought I had already lost a piece of myself as I picked up the instruments to begin. But the hesitation in my hands and the tears in my eyes confirmed that I had not. She laid on the table alone and terrified. I knew my tears would only make it worse. I prayed that they would be gone and she would be filled with that Impossible Peace.
I blinked. I had lost my tears. They were gone. About to begin, I turned to look at her. Our eyes met and from behind my mask I smiled. As she looked deep into mine, her eyes widened, her body relaxed, and a smile grew on her face as the Impossible Peace washed over her body.
In that moment, she lost her fear. She looked back up at the invisible spot on the ceiling and she remained at peace until we were done.
It was then that I realized, I had in fact been at a loss . . . what I was unable to provide, He gave. Those were not my smiling eyes she was looking into, but His. It was not me she saw, it was Him.